05 Jan Bad Call Coach
When I preface a blog entry with a couple of disclaimers you know I am going to get some nasty emails because I am going to make some folks angry. I get that and I am prepared for the ugly backlash of this blog entry which is simply my opinion and not any sort of professional evaluation. Opinions are like noses, we all have them.
First, I’m not picking on LSU, they are
I opened the news today and was TRIGGERED big time by the first story I saw about a coach that lost a family member hours before an important game and he stayed to coach the game, called his son, who had lost his wife and was in the hospital heavily sedated from the shock of it all to tell him to “man up”, according to the article. Huh? I am hoping this was a misprint.
I didn’t see any of
This son lost his wife in a tragic plane crash and was needing his family, which really has nothing to do with his masculinity. The son’s hysterical response to death was perfectly normal. We need our loved ones when we are traumatized. That’s how we are wired as humans. His mom and his dad were at the football play off game when he found out his wife was tragically killed. Let me just say that I am 57 years old and there are still times I want my mother and my father with me to lean into. There are times that I need them to show up for me. No matter what. That’s not unusual. Them not showing up for me because one of them is working and the other is watching him work, that IS unusual, for me, maybe not for you, but for me it is. My heart went out to this son laying in a hospital bed grieving the loss of his wife to the point of having to be sedated, while his parents were at a football game and sending him ” man up ” messages. This seems so incredibly backwards.
I am confused. Is a game so important that we should prioritize it over death of a loved one and support for those still living and needing our care?
Do we have our priorities a little mixed up in this world? What was it like to be in the hospital only hours after losing your spouse and seeing your
I do know what it is like when the game is more important than family. I’ve been there, obviously, that is why I am so triggered by this. Even though I have moved on with my life, I remember what it is like when a parent is diagnosed with cancer and your partner is at “the game”. I know what it is like to bring your firstborn home from the hospital alone because new dad is at “the game”. I know what it is like to have serious health issues to manage alone because your partner is at “the game”, I know what it is like when a child desperately needs his/her father but they are at “the game”. I know what it is like to always be expected to understand they love you but you have to man up because , well because “the game” is more important. Most important. Still doesn’t feel right. I never want it to feel right and I never want to understand my closest family putting “the game” over death and life. It’s a game. It’s a pastime. I can’t ever support that call coach.
I don’t want to pick up the news and hear how this “unsung ” hero chose his team over his son. I don’t want to hear how nothing changed in his demeanor after he lost his daughter in law and continued his
The son said his father told him via a phone call before going on the field as he lay in his hospital bed grieving his dead wife, “Son, we face the darkest times of our lives, it’s what we do. I will take care of you and I will be there for you”. Except he wasn’t. His words
The son went on to say that his dad was his rock, his mentor , his idol and he wouldn’t be able to make it through without his dad telling him to man up and get through it. Huh? If we listen we learn so much about people and what is really going on for them internally. Did the son really have a choice? Dad wasn’t coming to comfort him.
It’s really just my opinion, that’s all this is. But I want to hug that son and say, it
As a coach, lots of eyes are always on you and you have many opportunities to “man up” and set good examples. You can teach others what it looks like to put family first and to really be there for your loved ones. Not on the big screen but sitting next to the hospital bed holding their hand, watching your team play without
I get that the coach and his wife who chose to stay for the game rather than going to be with their son in the hospital after he unexpectedly lost his
Would this have been a better call?
Yes, I am playing armchair quarterback, I know that. I will go back for some more therapy because obviously, I didn’t get enough to be triggered so tremendously by what seems so blatantly inappropriate and hits so close to home for me. It seems like there are more important things than athletic events and it seems family should be one of them and I don’t really want to be the confused person who understands choosing game over family. Ever. Should we raise our expectations for the sports world? Is America’s past time getting it right or are they the ones that are confused? People died. This is serious. Bad call Coach. Certainly not a win.