Why do we give others the job of making us happy? That is a really big responsibility to pass on to another. We are pretty much setting them up for failure, because we all know it is absolutely not possible to find consistent happiness from another. Happiness is an inside job.
Couples attend marital counseling and cite their reason for being there as, “Im just not happy in this relationship.” The question that comes to mind is, are you happy outside of the relationship? Were you happy before you got into it? Are you thinking being a couple will complete you, and make you happy. Are you thinking if you leave this relationship, and get into another you might be happier? Actually, you won’t because you will be taking you to the new relationship, and you are not happy.
We must first be happy with ourselves, because if you are an unhappy individual who becomes part of a couple, then likely you will be unhappy there also. Bringing another into your unhappiness is not going to make you happy or whole. It is a mistake when we put our happiness in another’s hands, because happiness never comes from outside of us. A happy couple is happy because of the happiness inside of her and the happiness inside of him. One unhappy, plus one happy .does not equal two happy.
You can not live off of your partners happiness. You must find your own. As soon as we make another responsible for our happiness, we break the relationship. This is a mistake many couples make right from the beginning. They base their happiness on their partner. They each place their happiness in the others hands, and then one year later the relationship is really struggling, because their expectations were unrealistic. They began their marriage journey on the wrong road, and then spend years trying to find the right path, and to understand why the relationship is not working and why they are not happy in it.
I have always said those fairytales we read our kids were setting them up for failure. The ones where they lived happily ever after, when they found their prince. We basically taught our kids early in their lives, that they needed to find another to make them whole, so they could live happily ever after. They find their prince and that doesn’t happen, and they think there is something wrong with the relationship, when it is really something wrong with the individual who seeks happiness in another.
True love has no expectations and no obligations. When we expect another to make us happy and they don’t, we feel hurt. We blame the other for not fulfilling our expectation of them making us happy. When we are in love, true love, we are not expecting that our partner will do something about our happiness level, and they have no obligations.
Love is not conditional. It is not, I love you if you make me happy, and if you don’t then adios. If I place conditions on my love for you and need you to make me happy, then I don’t love you or myself.
Every relationship has two halves. You are one half and your partner, child, parent or friend is the other half. Of these two halves, you are only responsible for your half. You can’t possibly be responsible for the other half. When you try to be responsible for the other parts happiness, the relationship becomes miserable. It doesn’t matter how close you are to the other half, or how much you think you love them, there is no way you can be responsible for another’s happiness.
To have a happy relationship, it is all about you. The first step is to be happy when you enter the relationship, and to be responsible for your half of the relationship, which is you.
When you become aware that no other can make you happy, because happiness is something you make yourself , then you will be whole .