Flying Monkeys

It might be safe to say that there was a narcissist in The Wizard of Oz, and that would be the wicked witch, the bad character surrounded by her flying monkeys. Most evil characters have their groupies or flying monkeys, who do whatever they are told to do by their narcissistic leader. Probably you can think of a system that looks like this.

Many groups have a narcissist and also flying monkeys. Family systems , societies, religious groups, civic groups, etc… However, all leaders are not narcissistic, some have dignity and are capable of right thinking. In a family system it looks like this, the narcissist is controlling, and large and in charge. The family members who do not fall in line are punished, shamed or ostracized. They see the narcissist as the one with the power, so they do what they are told. Whether overt or covert,  the narcissist rules the roost, the king of the hill, the boss. Their pattern of ruling looks many different ways, but today we will talk about the obvious narcissist.

Yes people are the ones chosen by the narcissist as their flying monkeys. The ones that don’t ask questions and ignore logic. They just do what they are told, so they can belong. They are generally weak people, who don’t want to rock the boat. They enable the narcissist and prop her up. They like control and dominance, but they aren’t capable of doing this for themselves, so they find a narcissist, and they sign up to be her flying monkey. (I say her here, because we think the wicked witch was a she, but narcissism is not gender specific,)

The narcissist tells the flying monkeys what is correct, and how they should think. The monkeys of course say, ok whatever she says, yes. The flying monkey let’s the narcissist tell them how to behave. The thing in it for the flying monkey is that they live vicariously through the dominant narcissist. The thing they want to be but, are too weak to be. The flying monkey is happiest when the narcissist is bullying someone else. Analytical thinking is not a possibility for flying monkeys. Because to think might mean they would have to realize the narcissist is not right, and they are far to shallow for that. Flying monkeys have no depth. They overlook obvious truths or facts. They live with blinders on. It’s easier that way, and they like easy.

Excuses are made often by the flying monkeys. They whine behind the narcissist back, but when they have an opportunity to correct the narcissist, no way Jose. They go with inappropriate. That’s what flying monkeys do. They are lackeys. If you are a flying monkey and you want to shed this burden, and live your life for you rather than be the narcissist puppet, you will have to do several things.

You will have to say this is not something I want to be involved in any longer. You will have to find a backbone. This won’t be easy, because not being strong and courageous is what got you in this mess. The narcissist needs the flying monkeys, like flowers need rain so she will not easily let you go. Narcissist live with an alternate view of reality, so if you say, this isn’t right and I don’t want to be a apart of this, you will be harassed and told you are ungrateful and can’t make it on your own, so don’t even think about trying. She always makes sure you are beholden to her and owe her, your everything. She makes sure to control you with low hanging fruit.

As you stand up to the flying monkey group system and decide to opt out, you will have to be willing to make sacrifices. Families ostracize flying monkeys that don’t fall into line. The narcissist that runs this family dictates, sometimes in a seemingly sweet way, and the price a flying monkey pays to leave a family like this is rejection.  But oh, it is so much better to find your self and be alone, than to lose self to belong.

To break away from the flying monkey club, you will have to assert yourself. You must know what you stand for and use these convictions to free yourself from the group mentality. Being a follower is oh so easy. Breaking away means you have a decency about you, and your common sense has come back to live in your psyche. You will need to be firm, establish boundaries and be ready to act independently when the others push back. You don’t have to offer them an explanation. Let them know you have made a decision that makes a lot of sense to you, and you are firm in this conviction. They make think whatever they want, but now you are making decisions for yourself. You are leaving the flying monkey club. Autonomy is everything.  Just because you are one, does not mean you are not the right one. Group mentality has led many into destruction.

Contemplation and independent thinking are not allowed in the flying monkey club. They have someone to do that for them . The Narcissist. They don’t have consistency in their internal and external world. What you see on the outside, is likely not at all what is on the inside. They are great pretenders when it serves their purpose. Their exposure is consistent with the goal they have in mind at the moment.

Commit to being an authentic person and be excited about being other. Have independent determination and decisiveness, and avoid the group mentality. In the end, you will be free. Opt out of the group, think for yourself, and you get to be the best you ever. Redefine your life and make it yours. After all, who wants to be a monkey ?