In these times of COVID, quickly we are learning that flexibility is the name of the game. We are all learning how to pivot. Oh my, some pivoting is harder than others and I liked life with less pivoting. But imagine how strong we will be after we have successfully managed these major upsets. Research finds that resilience is everything when we are challenged.
Our resilience came with watching our daughter and her groom have to plan and then unplan their wedding they poured heart and soul into. Our family learned with many others how to unplan a wedding. Not exactly what we had in mind for our daughter’s wedding plan. There was no checklist for this. After planning a large wedding we realized the chances of actually having it were not good and we also felt it would be unfair to expect our guests to travel to a destination wedding when the researchers are expecting a spike in COVID in the fall. Exactly when the wedding was scheduled for. We simply felt putting family, friends and vendors in harms way by possible infection was not our idea of a celebration for us and not a responsible choice. So we unplanned our daughter’s wedding. Also, the state where we were having the wedding has not opened up to large groups and has had one of the stricter policies for COVID based regulations which is understandable but we did not want our guests to lose their rental monies due to possible last-minute cancellations. The difficult decision to cancel that celebration was made after much consideration of all circumstances.
I will say ALL of our vendors were so thoughtful, despite the fact that we had paid them all deposits that were not to be refunded for any reasons per our contract with each vendor. They all returned our deposits without our even requesting. We were humbled by their kindness. Of course, there is always that one that kind of spoils things for everyone. Our wedding planner chose to keep half of her pay for the event, despite the fact that she had not done any work yet as she was simply to begin her duties right before the actual event and not be part of the planning but instead the execution of the wedding. She not only canceled on us but also kept the required upfront deposit we had to give her when the venue required we hire a planner in order to use their facility. So our planner had a plan of her own. Sad commentary on that part of the unplanning. Lesson, not everyone has your best interest in mind but rather chooses to take advantage of others’ misfortune for their own personal gain. It happens. Pivot.
I felt really inspired to talk about these brides and their difficult choices in my June blog. There were two special June weddings I was to attend. These brides had to make the hard choice to cancel their big day after having planned it completely. The wedding industry in general I am sure is really hurting and yet all voided their contracts in the spirit of doing the right thing and helping our disappointed girls. My hat is off to these selfless vendors. Way to take one for the team, when you could have leaned into your contract and kept big deposits, instead all but one I have heard of from many different weddings, chose to return 100% of the deposits to the families. It was a sacrifice for these vendors I am sure as they have all been out of work for months now. Wow, just wow. Way to be decent people and give heartbroken girls a hand up. What if we all went around putting others first. That would be a change for our world. A welcomed change. Imagine if we broke our necks trying to “you first ” others. Wouldn’t that solve all of these problems we are having? If I am putting you first and you are putting me first, how can we complain or have dissension? If we are all doing the next right thing, how can things be bad in our world?
Maybe this is a recipe for us all to get along. You first, no you first. Insisting on the other’s comfort and care over your own. Selflessness over selfishness, ah, what a novel idea. What if it’s not all about me, but instead it’s all about you. When did our world become so me, me , me ? That’s a whole other blog………..
My heart hurts so for these couples who have had to cancel weddings but not marriages. They are learning early in their relationships that misfortune happens and disappointment comes knocking on the door in life. They are learning to pivot. Imagine the disappointment of dreaming of your big day for your whole life and then not getting to enjoy it. But I do believe in the end these couples will be the strong ones. As a therapist, I remind couples often the obstacles are not the problem, the way we manage them is the problem. It can also be the solution. These couples are learning right from the beginning of their lives together, how to manage obstacles and this is the greatest gift of all for their relationships. Silver lining moment.