Lets face it, there are some people in our lives we won’t miss if they go bye-bye. Really, you know it’s true. Right now , someone has popped up in your mind as you read this.
We have to learn how to disconnect without putting these folks in a blender and cutting them up and off. There is a good way and a bad way to do this. Let’s go for the good way. In the end, you will be glad you did. It’s best for all concerned.
First, you have to realize that everyone is not meant to always be in our lives, some are just passing through. We have to know when to let those temporary folks go. Graciously. Don’t be that person that nuts up and stalks and vandalizes, and puts their cra cra out there for everybody to see. That doesn’t look good on anybody. Really. Respect yourself.
Sometimes relationships become complete. When this happens, it does not mean someone has to be a victim and someone a villain. It is possible to part ways with class and compassion. The wise person in you can be out of a relationship, and leave your dignity intact, and theirs. There is a way to complete with another, which means all of the experiences we need to have together have happened, and we are done. Now it is time to move on . It is so important to do this in a way that leaves the person you are leaving with their worth in place.
When a relationship runs its course, we don’t need to give the person we are leaving a long list of all of their issues, and point our finger at them. We need to leave their dignity in place and our integrity upfront. Burning a bridge does not need to include dynamite. It does not have to be about one person being good, and the other being bad. No dichotomous thinking. It just is. No judgement. Just done.
You want to go into a goodbye conversation in a positive manner. First, don’t say “we need to chat”, and then proceed to cover all of the reasons why the relationship is not a good fit for you and the other person is so bad. No, No , No, this leaves the other with no self worth. A clean break allows dignity. If you take them down several notches to get things off your chest, it is very difficult to return to a neutral place. We always want to leave in neutral. Because, why not?
Begin all difficult conversations with the things you admire and respect about this person. Let them know what you appreciate them for. After setting this up in a compassionate way , then let them know that you think it will be best if you love them from a distance, because this relationship is not working well for you any longer, and you need space. Make it about you , not them. When the word YOU comes up in a challenging conversation, the person on the other side of you, puts their wall up, and they never hear another word you say. You want them to hear this conversation. It’s important.
This is a difficult conversation to have, but when you build people up before you say goodbye, parting is so much better for all concerned. There is never any reason to spew venom, and expose our disregard for ourselves and others. A relationship can end without this drama. The way you end a relationship is a commentary about who you are. The way they handle this is a commentary about them, and quite often their reaction is a commentary on why you are leaving the relationship. Goodbye does not have to be undignified, unless you are on the Jerry Springer show.