Boundaries are Everything

Vanessa came to my office totally exhausted. It seemed as if everything was falling apart in her life. Her mother in law had fallen for the fifth time and refused the proper care provided for her, as she only wanted her 60 year old son to move home and be her caregiver 24/7. Her daughter had lost her drivers license after her seventh traffic violation and refused to use Uber, but instead wanted her mom to be her taxi service. Vanessa was stressed from work as they had let go the other administrative assistant to save money, and shifted all of the duties over to Vanessa with no additional pay. Life had just become too much. She was stretched to capacity.

We can all identify a little with Vanessa’s stressors. We all have them and learning the best way to manage them can be empowering. Vanessa learned that she didn’t have to live this way. She learned that by putting in place a few healthy boundaries, she could have the lower stress life she deserved. It would be difficult at first to stop enabling others bad behaviors, but eventually, they would get used to Vanessa’s new rules for her life and they would adhere. Everyone would be healthier in the long run, and each of their lives would be enhanced by Vanessa’s healthy use of boundaries.

Boundaries require intentional behaviors, and letting go of old unhealthy habits and putting new better behaviors in place of them. All of our behaviors don’t serve us well, and some even complicate our lives and allow others to add stress that can be avoided. The moment you embrace the new boundaries, the stress will disappear. You are never too old, and it is never too late to make a wise choice. Choose you.

We don’t get a do-over with this life, so we have to get the first one right. We can do this by making intentional choices that suit us rather than others. When we live our lives for others we end up frustrated and exhausted, and nobody wins. The only person capable of making the needed changes to enhance your life is you. No one will do this for you, especially when it doesn’t benefit them.

To have good boundaries you must decide what sort of life you wish for, and then say no to everything that is not this life. You will have to disconnect from some people and connect with some new things. Replace what is not working for you, with wiser choices that improve the quality of your life. No, it won’t be easy because we typically remain in our comfort zone, even when it is not feeling right for us. It is what we know.

Make your comfort zone healthy, and put boundaries in place that insure you living your best life. If they walk all over you, it’s time to walk away. You don’t have to hang out with people you don’t like. Give the gift of your absence to people who don’t appreciate your presence. Take your power back with good boundaries.

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